From complete surrender to a new hope

"Jumaa" a dari word for Friday, is a day off for the Afghan Army and so mentors were also off this day. I spent my day off sleeping and resting. I was relief to find out, we have at least one day off during the week. This day is the bazaar day as well, different vendors come to Camp Phoenix to sell goods. Shopping in Afghanistan was something I did not imagine doing but today I did go shopping. The vendors sold carpets, blankets, jewelries and some antique stuff.
Saturday came along, time to go back to work, I had some challenges with my afghan counterparts because the Colonel in charge of the Electronic and Communication division wanted me to sign a MOD Form 14 which I have no clue what it is about. I refused and when I did, he was upset and had told the interpreter that I have only been in the division for short period of time and he on the other had have been there for a long time and he does know about the job and has checked out the paperwork and I should just trust him and sign the paperwork. But I continued to refuse to sign the form, I was brief not to sign any MOD Forms unless I know what I am signing and that is exactly what I did. I think, I have placed myself on the bad side of the Afghan Colonel. I dislike not knowing my job here in Afghanistan, unlike in the US Air force I knew my job. If there is a problem in the system or process, I was first picked to correct the issue or problem. Even if it meant initiating a "Tiger Team" to find solution on particular problem, I was always on it. Now I feel like an Airman at the bottom of the totem pole. I know nothing and I had to ask someone else to help me which I felt bad because now I am taking away time from the other person or section he or she is mentoring, just to teach me the Afghan supply processes. This day I felt a little melancholy. Hopefully, Sunday is better day.
Sunday is not a better day either, it is getting worst. This day I was confronted with the question, Why I am not married? From the interpreters to the clerk and my Afghan counterparts, all wanted to know why am not married. They had explained that a woman my age should not be single. In the Afghan culture they will ask this personal question. I had to tell them my life story. I had told them I was married for seven years, divorced for seven years and I have one daughter. They ask me the original question with a twist, why I did not get married again? Had to explain that I am very busy woman and have no time. They did not like that reasoning, so I had to find another answer, so I told them I am catholic and with my religion am only suppose to get married once. I had an earful of reasons from my counterparts why it is in my best interest to get married again. My interpreter explained that in the Afghan culture single parents are frowned upon and women must marry or else they look down on them. I am profoundly grateful I live in the United States. At the end of the day, all I can think of is my daughter, how I miss her so much. It is not easy being a single parent and today my heart was filled with sorrow because I want to be with my kid and I cannot. I always beat myself up for leaving her even if I knew I had no choice. I have deployed several times in my career but it does not get easier. It hurts the same same way. But as the day passes by I am able to deal with the separation a little better. I have to push her out of my mind so I do not constantly think of her because if I do think of her and how much I miss her so much, a "Black Cloud hangs around me" as my dad describes it and it is true. Without my daughter, you can trace sadness in my life and I have learned to mask it, over a period time, but people who knows me well can distinguish when my daughter is away. This day I cried myself to sleep, wishing I can go home and be with my daughter and my family. I prayed to God to make me stronger to tackle the challenges in my life. And tomorrow is another day.
Today which is Monday, I woke up at 3 am like I have done since I arrived here but this time instead of getting up I forced my self to stay in bed until 6 am. My prayers last night made a difference today. I woke up with a new found enthusiasm to go to work and face my work challenges. Today was a good day. Instead of drinking 12 cups of tea like everyday, I only had 3, which is a measurement of the work I had to do. Less tea more work, more tea less work. I had signed many MOD 14 forms and made the Afghan colonel happy. Later I found out I have signed MOD 14 that I was not supposed to sign because of errors, but I shrugged my shoulder and said, "Inshalla", I would have to correct those errors tomorrow. The day got better when I received a phone call from a former team in Combat Skill Training, Major "Apps". I sure enjoy hanging out with Major because being around him meant learning new stuff or ideas. Today's class is learning how to shop for carpets. We have looked at a carpet that was so beautiful. He explained to me how to distinguish a high quality rugs to not so good one. I learned the smaller the knots on the back of the carpet the better quality. You also have to touch the carpet and the smoother it is the better quality. He had shown me one, that he had looked at earlier, and it is so gorgeous. The carpet felt like silk and the color matched my couch back home. I also liked the pattern but the price is not right, it costs $3,000. I wonder if I can talk the vendor in lowering the price. The vendor mentioned a carpet of very high quality is called, "Khoja Rhoshnai". I'll keep checking on it and maybe before I leave I will purchase a rug, I have to, it is one of a lifetime chance because I do not think I will come back in Afghanistan again. I sure enjoy hanging out with Major. My love for a MAC computer originated from him and then now carpets. I am glad he passed through Camp Phoenix. God is so good to me. He manages to lift my spirit up, every time it is down. He uses good people as instruments, to show me that it is going to be okay. Seeing Major, taught me a valuable lesson today, "No matter how alone you feel, you are never alone, there are always good people around you and good people you have met along your journey", just like Major "Apps". As the popular proverbs says, "If you only see one set of footprints on the sand its because Jesus was carrying you and he did not abandon you" and that is how I truly felt today. I was never alone. More experiences and challenges to face but each day I will find the strength to make each day, a day to remember.

Initial Introduction to Afghanistan

Lately, I did not get a chance to write on my blog. I was exhausted from the traveling. Even after I got enough sleep, it seemed like I was tired. Maybe the elevation in Afghanistan is contributing to my feeling very tired, or maybe jet leg is the cause of my sleepless nights, who knows? Anyways, I have started my first day to work on the 20th April 2010. I was given one day to rest which I also used for in-processing at Camp Phoenix. I found out that I had to convoy to and from work. I hoped never having to convoy in my career but now am faced with reality, I have to convoy everyday.
My first real convoy occurred when my team first picked me up at Kabul International Airport. Leaving the airport and seeing the road of Afghanistan for the very first time brought sadness to my heart, instead of fear. I have lived in a third world country for seventeen years of my life but yet never seen this type of living conditions. What I have seen gave me a heavy heart and I merely had a glimpse of Afghanistan through a window of a humvee.
Tuesday's convoy, this time I found myself terrified in going out the FOB but I had no choice but to just deal with the fear. We traveled almost the same route going to the airport. The road were not paved and it was a bumpy ride. It also rained that day so there were mud everywhere. We have arrived at the Log command, which is an Afghan Army Base. I met my Afghan counterparts and was oriented to my new job. I am a commodity item manager and mentor for the electronic/communication section. The day seemed short, I was enjoying the social interaction with the Afghan personnel, all seemed like wise men who look very old but wondered how old they were and dared not to ask. I had some bad vibes that some Afghans do not care about interacting with women but at the same time they had mentioned "respect" toward me. Some of the Afghans army personnel asked were I was from and the interpreters explained that I am an American soldier but the Afghans wanted to know my origin. I mentioned that I was born and raised in the Philippines then came to the US when I was 17 years old. We played a game called list all the countries that are near the Philippines. Many were confused but others were very good naming those countries, I had fun telling them if they had the right or wrong answer. I really hope I could build a good relationship with my counterparts.
The next day, some of my team went to Camp Eggers. This day I found my old team from combat skill training which we were separated in Kuwait, our stories revolved around how I was separated from the team and how worried they were when I was missing. They were supposed to fly out with me but because of room number mixed up, they missed the flight and instead had other flight arrangement. They told me that they flew on a russian helicopter from Bagram airbase to Kabul. I was so jealous. This day I also met some of the US military staff that I will be working with, in coordinating supplies and documentations requirement. The only thing stuck in my head is push letters. Hopefully I will learn all this new forms and processes really quickly or else I will left out in the conversation. Besides I would not want my counterparts feel that I know nothing even if it was the truth. The person I was replacing left already so if I wanted to ask question, I am on my on. My turnover was for one hour and thirty minutes tops. So here I am faced with a challenge in learning a new job for six months. Hopefully the Senior Master Sergeant in my team can help me with this different supply concept. It feels like everyone is speaking another dialect and I cannot understand a word being said and I am not talking about Dari or Pashtu language. Now I have to concentrate in this new job and I wonder if I will even get the time for my blog.
Camp Eggers is very busy compared to Camp Phoenix. What stand out the most, Camp Egggers have trees and grass while Camp Phoenix does not. One of my team called Camp Eggers as Disneyland and I have ask why. He answered, Camp Eggers have all the luxury a camp should not have especially being in the middle of a war. We stayed at Camp Eggers waiting for Major___ to finish his meeting. While we waited I had a spiced chai smoothie and it was very good. We even stayed in a pavilion in a middle of the rose garden. Yes, Camp Egger had roses in the garden. I have met so many people this day that I cannot remember the names. I met a Navy Captain (0-3), Captain Salire, who is Filipino except he could not speak the language and a Air Force Captain, Captain Seiling, from Langley Air Force Base Everything went well and I sure enjoy meeting new people.

Travel Into Theater

The trip of Afghanistan started very early. Midnight of April 12th or the morning of the 13th, an early travel especially when I could not sleep the night prior of the travel. Anxiety is the reason for not sleeping. Fear of flying is starting to set in and butterflies are slowly releasing in my stomach. Finally, the time has arrive to leave. Luckily I did not have to travel all by myself, there were four of us traveling from our class. "To run To run", "Dagarman" and "Jagran___ Ast" are the three guys going with me.

The first trip required us to travel to Houston, Texas which took about three and half hours. The flight from Houston to Charlotte is about two and half hours. While boarding sometime thing amazing happened at the gate at Houston airport, instead of regular coach sitting on the plane my group were upgraded to business class and at this moment I felt proud serving the United States of America. This type of gesture sure does have impact on a person, it made me realized that the sacrifices and service to my country are not forgotten.

Then when we arrived at Charlotte, off we had to go to Baltimore Washington International airport. The long seven hours wait ended as we boarded to go to Germany. "Mob station" is what a stranger describe some of his deployment travels and I did not understand it in the beginning but I saw it first hand and it was an "aha" moment. My trip to Germany is a "Mob station" moment, I almost forgot how it felt like to travel in a huge groups, especially military personnel. In the hundreds I may add, you could not distinguished which one were the Army from the Air Force, but might as well. One team one fight and if you think of it, the Army and Air Force were known to be one entity. I can sense some unity. Air Force personnel spoke to the Army personnel and vice-versa. I can remember talks about the difference of the two branches but today it was not the case, it was about a common goal. Everybody has stories about their family or family backgrounds. Some of the common questions asked were, What jobs they are doing? What base they came? and other endless stories.

Upon arrival in Germany, we deplaned the aircraft, waited at the lobby and then loaded back on the plane. Then off we flew to Incirlik, Turkey and conducted the same routine. Next stop, Aludeid AB. Qatar and because of diplomatic reason we could not go from Turkey to Kuwait, instead we were diverted to Qatar. We stayed on the plane for an hour while in Qatar, and then finally left for Kuwait City, Kuwait.

We arrived Kuwait on April 15, 2010 at 0300 in the morning, disappointment grew as we waited for direction on what to do. We sat in an open tent until 0530 waiting for transportation and billeting accommodation. I wondered who organized this processes because it sure a horrible way to treat deploying troops. Finally at 0600 we are given direction to move to a location and here the chaos begins. If I thought Baltimore Washington is a mob station, Kuwait is the worst. Hundred of people, who has been traveling for almost 48 hours, waiting for in-processing. I think the process could have been better and I cannot wait until this day is over. At the mean time were stuck at Ali A Asalem Air Base.

Final Days at Fort Polk

I have returned to Fort Polk and within less than 24 hours I am home sick. I wanna go home!!! I miss my two moms. I cannot describe in words what it feels like being home but I can tell you it is the most wonderful feeling in the world. I am treated like a queen during my stay at home. My family does not have a mansion or wealth as a royalty family but I can tell you there is something about my moms' house that makes my stay "The most relaxing vacation." I can spend thousand of dollars to go on a vacation and still do not achieve the same effect as staying at my mothers house. At home, all my worries seems to disappear. Tomorrow does not exist and responsibilities vanishes. All that really matters that day is Cesa. What does Cesa want to do? The luxury on doing nothing has become a privilege during my stay at home. She can sleep as long as she wants. Eat her favorite foods, all she has to do is ask and she receives, it is truly the description of paradise. To top it off, I do not have just have one but two places to call home, Jacksonville and Spring Hill Florida. I consider myself very fortunate to have two wonderful families who are always there for me. I always said, "My home is where the Air Force takes me but my heart stays in Florida. The four day pass is what I really needed. Visiting family prepared me to face any difficult challenges to come. I am sad to see both of my moms unhappy and I wish there is a way I can deploy without making anyone sad but this is very impossible I have so many people who cares so much about me and no matter what I do it always affects them. I thank the lord for all my blessings in life and showering me with plenty of families and friends.

Today is my birthday. I went to church to thank God for this wonderful day. I treated my self to a pizza for lunch and chicken wings for dinner. I enjoyed reading my electronic cards and the greeting from friends and family. So what if I was all by myself on my birthday, not once did I felt alone. Peace of mind is what I had today. However, I am not looking forward to the long trip to Afghanistan. I will finally say goodbye to Fort Polk, I will remember this training because I had fun with my team. And not to forget the new found blogging idea shared by a stranger. I move forward to another adventure in my life. I wonder what tomorrow brings me.

Graduation Day and Four Day Pass

Before graduation day, some guys in my team and I went to Lake Charles, ate at a restaurant called Double D's Steakhouse which had very good steaks and hamburgers.  I enjoyed being away from Fort Polk and unwinding from all the stress of training. 

     Graduation day, happy day, we are finally done with training. We were originally scheduled to graduate on April 9 but am glad the battalion let us finish earlier.  I cannot believe that I get a four day pass to visit family. I am so excited and I cannot wait. Good bye Fort Polk but I shall return before I head out to my next journey.